Back in Your Head
by bella89
Summary: A year later Blair is stuck in a mundane life, with only S and D for best friends. All she can think about is Chuck but after patching things up with N. He vowed never to speak to B again. How long can these lovers deny each other? much to more to this!
1. Introduction: must read

Author's Note: This takes place during senior year, about a year after "The Line Between Chuck and Nate". Nate and Chuck have eventually forgiven each other but neither have really spoken to Blair. The whole Georgina situation never happened. Serena and Dan are still together and S and B are best friends as always. After little J's fall from the top to the very bottom, that's where she stayed insignificant. B is somewhat on top but nothing is the same as before.

**Introduction**

"Come on, B." Serena smiled, as she looked at herself in Blair's mirror, trying on no other than an Eleanore Waldorf original of course, "You need a night out. You seem a little sad lately."

'I am sad.' Blair thought, 'S you're the only one that cares about me.' Before she could speak, Dan did. Yes, surprisingly enough the always somewhat cordial B and D had become pretty decent friends. Partly because B was a little lacking the friend department but also because after everything Serena had done to try and make her life easier after Nate and Chuck the least Blair could do was REALLY give her boyfriend a chance. Plus, he was one of the only genuinely good people she knew.

"Yeah, I even think we should go out." Dan smiled from across the room on Blair's bed.

"Well, if Brooklyn if willing to tackle the Upper East Side night scene we may have to." Blair laughed, "But I just don't feel like seeing anyone."

"B, it's been a year no one even remembers that little scandal. Nate and Chuck are friends. Little J has stopped trying to ruin your life. Everything is back to normal for the most part." Serena said, like only a best friend could.

"Back to normal?" Blair exclaimed, "I'll tell you what is NOT normal. I Blair Cornelia Waldorf have been labeled mediocre. I'm Blair Waldorf I've never been mediocre at anything in my life but that's what I am now. Good enough for Chuck to stare at and undress with his eyes but not speak too. Good enough for Nate to feel bad for but ignore. Good enough to be on the VIP list at Bungalow but not at Ice Bar. Good enough for little J to wear my hand me downs but not good enough to be Queen B. Quite frankly I'm surprised I even got into Yale. They probably should have sent me a letter explaining they don't except mediocre students! You and Dan should run for the hills before I drag you all down this year." After Blair's little speech she looked utterly defeated and Serena hugged her. It was all true Blair couldn't stand it anymore, she just chose not to add that she hadn't been keeping her food down for the past six months as well. She felt it was so unfair, Nate had slept with Serena when he and Blair were still together but no one thinks about that they just think about how perfect little Blair at an affair with the UES devil, Chuck after her and N broke up. Blair had lost everything, most of her friends, her social status, and more importantly her heart.

"We're going out. You're a Waldorf you're far from mediocre, never forget that." She said, "and I know you miss you him."

"I do, S. So much." Blair whispered.

"Nate will come around eventually." Serena sighed, "Lets get you dressed."

Blair nodded; little did S know Nate was not the one she missed so dearly. In an hour all three of them were dressed to the nines and exiting the limo at Ice Bar. Chuck Bass was lingering outside smoking his usual repulsive cigarette when he saw a girl with amazing legs in a short red dress as the girl turned around he was so surprised he dropped his cigarette. 'No fucking way' Chuck thought to himself, 'Looking incredible as always B.' All he wanted was to be close to her, smell her perfume and feel her skin again but he didn't dare. Instead he entered the club before she could see him and thought to himself, 'It was Nate, the princess wanted. I'm not messed up our friendship ever again' This was the same thing he told himself everyday when he saw Blair.

**Spotted: Our former queen B making a rare appearance at Ice Bar with S and the not so lonely Lonely boy. Glittergirl23 sent us this shot of them exiting the limo. Is B finally ready to get back up and fight again, afterall she is a Waldorf. Also on the VIP list the rejoined best friend duo, N and C. Careful B hell hath no fury like ex LOVERS scoured. I'm not so sure if this Upper East Side princess knows what she's getting herself into but we love a good revolution who knows what tomorrow may bring.**

**You know you love me xoxo Gossip Girl**

Hello lovely readers that's just an introduction to see if you're all interested, the chapters will be wayyy longer. No reviewsno more but I hope you truly like the sound of it. Trust me I have big plans for this. Plus who doesn't love a little C and B?!3


	2. Chapter One

Author's Note: I know I know it's a bit short but I swear it looked so much longer in M.Word haha but I wanted to put it up anyway to see what you all thought! Sorry if there's a few errors I'm at work and a bit rushed.

Chapter One:

Blair walked into the club she had been in so many nights during the past years and turned towards Serena, "You and Dan go have fun. I'm going to try and mingle." Serena nodded proudly, thinking Blair was making real progress. As Blair walked she passed a mirror. She let her eyes wander and took a look at herself, her red dress, tiny frame, exquisite make up and hair, everything about her had once been perfect but now no one wanted her anymore, not even Chuck. She began regretting letting Serena convince her to stay almost immediately after the "incident", however now she did more than ever. The night she went to Chuck at the bar and said she only had him was stuck in her head forever. She hadn't realized how low she made him sound or how insensitive it all seemed, if she could go back she'd find different words. At the time she wasn't fully aware of Chuck's grasp on her and her need for him. But none of it mattered now because he hadn't wanted her anyway and he probably never did, at least that's what Blair thought.

From across the room she saw Nate talking to some redhead, 'Looks like a tourist' Blair thought, gazing at the girl's attire and mannerisms. Looking at Nate flirting with this girl, she didn't feel a thing not one pang of pain, sadness, or remorse. Blair only wished she and Nate could have remained friends, she missed the old days and everyone always being together. However her eyes now glanced over to the bar, where Chuck sat and words could not describe how she felt. He was speaking with a young woman but Blair could tell he wasn't interested and moments later she saw him ushering her to leave him alone. Blair couldn't take her eyes off him as he sat, sipping his usual scotch. Throughout all the years, Chuck had been her constant she'd never realized it until recently but he was the one person that would never leave her, well until now. Nate would leave, Serena would leave, her father, her mother too but never Chuck. Through her years of struggling with an eating disorder he was always there for her. He knew her better than she knew herself. She mustered up all the courage her tiny weak body had left and walked over, sitting down next to him. Chuck was in utter shock, the two had said hardly more than three words to each other the past year and now she was close enough that he could smell her vanilla perfume. He spoke first.

"Manuel, get the lady a drink on my tab of course." Chuck said, "You still drink Cosmos right?" He glanced at her and his eyes softened slightly, but only for a second 'She hasn't been eating' He thought, 'She's making herself sick again.' Through her beautiful façade Chuck could see everything, all her usual warning signs were there but his softness only lasted a moment.

"Yes, thank you." Blair couldn't mutter out anything else.

"You know me always a gentleman." Chuck almost snarled, as he looked into space.

Blair received her drink and sipped it quickly, knowing the alcohol would numb her senses which is exactly what she wanted right now. All this time she thought about, practiced, and revised what she would say to Chuck if he ever decided to speak to her again and now all she felt was love mixed with angry and their were no words. The past year had turned her into a little lamb, the old Blair Waldorf would have walked right up to him and told him that he was wrong, that she wanted him all along, and that she deserved better than to be cast aside. But the new Blair, well she just sipped her drink he bought her and whispered.

"So, Bass it's been a long time…" And there was silence.

"Blair…" Chuck finally muttered. When she turned to him, looking hopeful he threw a glance at Nate, making it perfectly clear he didn't want him to see them together.

"I don't care." Blair scoffed, with a tad bit of old Blair bitchiness.

"I do!" Chuck snapped loudly.

"Then you leave." She whispered. She knew he would just walk away after all he was Chuck Bass. He couldn't hold feelings for a woman longer than three hours and especially after everything that had happened, why would he stay? He wouldn't and he didn't.

"With pleasure." He said calmly as he got up and walked away.

Blair immediately finished her drink and ordered another, on Chuck's tab of course. She figured it was the least he could do for her. Blair still hadn't quite rationalized why she had become the "bad guy" in the whole situation, she seemed more like the unfortunate victim. Chuck sat on a couch in the corner of the club he just wanted to be alone. No girls for him tonight, truth be told he hadn't had many the past year. Of course he kept up his play boy reputation but no one knew the truth which was no girl could satisfy him like Blair did and it wasn't just about the sex. At the bar he didn't know what to do, what to say, how to act so he reverted back to the one thing he knew how to be, an ass. He and Nate hadn't spoken much about Blair, at least definitely not recently but they had somewhat reached an unspoken conclusion that as long as neither of them interacted with her it'd be okay. Suddenly, there Blair was right in front of him standing proudly he could have sworn he had fallen back in time.

"What do you want now?" Chuck said, "We haven't spoken in a year and you have to chose tonight, here to piss me off?"

"I'm sick of this, Chuck. We need to talk and you're coming with me." Blair wasn't sure what had gotten into her but she couldn't help herself and she grabbed his arm and tried to tug him up.

"Now now, B I do remember you liked it rough but this isn't really the right place is it?" Chuck growled, tugging his arm away from her small had, "On second thought I do believe that didn't stop us last time."

"I swear to god Chuck Bass if you don't come with me now I will cause such a scene between me and you that Nate will never even look at you again, let alone be your best friend." Blair snapped. Chuck's eyes widened, it looks like Blair was back and ready to fight.

"Fine, love since I know you've been waiting to get me alone all year lets chat." Chuck said frustrated as he took her arm roughly and led her through the narrow passages in the VIP section, to somewhere completely private, somewhere maybe if he had drank he enough he'd be able to soften up a bit.

**Update: Chuck and Blair in a heated argument inside Ice Club, how ironic. We always knew these two couldn't stay cool for long. If you ask me their chemistry is HOT HOT HOT. Look out everyone; it looks like the bitch is back and if she can take down a Bass who knows what she'll do next?**

**Xoxo Gossip Girl**


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two:

Author's Note: Alright, I know another chapter today but this is extremely short, it is really what I originially planned to be the rest of Chapter One but didn't think I'd have time to edit today. But since I did and I've been getting a good response I figured why not add it? Enjoy

Warning! DID NOT HAVE TIME TO COMPLETELY PROOF READ!

Chapter Two:

"God Chuck I said we needed to talk but where are you taking me?" Blair said as she struggled from his grip.

"First of all give up the struggle, little girl. You're not exactly strong and you're acting like I'm dragging you off to murder you." Chuck muttered, "and second of all I want to go somewhere private." He said the second part must softer.

Blair nodded, he wasn't trying to hurt her anyway. She knew he just wanted to feel like he's in control and she more than anyone understood that. Plus, it didn't matter he was touching her, for the first time in a year and she didn't want it to end. They finally reached the small private room, they had made love in it before. "By the way don't bother apologizing for your attitude tonight. I'd be cranky too if I hadn't eaten in six months and…"

"Enough!" Blair gasped, cutting him off and amazed that he'd really bring that up.

"And was throwing up everything I did eat." Chuck continued, ignoring her.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Blair said, stepping away from him.

"Oh really? I'm pretty sure I do." He was now raising his voice, "Thinning hair, dark circles, always rushing off after meals. Have you forgotten we were best friends for 15 years?"

"I really hate you!" Blair said softly as a few tears came down her face, she was losing her "old Blair" courage she had only so recently regained.

"Then why'd you ask me here to talk?" Chuck yelled. Then he turned and looked at her for the first time since entering the room. "I'm making you cry." He whispered, so soft Blair could hardly hear. The tiny black heart no one believed Chuck Bass even had broke into a million small pieces.

"Yeah, you're really good at it." Blair snapped, stepping away as he attempted to embrace her, "Do you have any idea what this year has been like? No you definitely don't because you walked away."

"You deserved what you got." Chuck said coolly, angry she didn't let him embrace her.

"Why Chuck because after you proved at my debutant ball that I could never trust you I made a mistake?" Blair said, "Well, I'm sorry I got back with Nate but it's not like you left me much choice or like it lasted long anyway. Nate's not god you know all you had to do was explain to him how we felt about each other"

"How who felt? You didn't feel anything for anyone except Nate and that was pretty clear." Chuck responded.

"You don't know what you're talking about! You're the one who walked out on me. The one who said you didn't want me." Before Blair could finish Chuck pushed her gently against the kissed her. They're chemistry was electric without care or reason Blair kissed him back, more passionately than she had ever kissed anyone.

"You're a dumb girl sometimes, Blair. How on earth could you have ever believed me when I said I didn't want you anymore?" Chuck whispered in between kisses.

"Believe me, you were very convincing." Blair said pushing him off a bit, there was no way she was letting him off the hook this easily, no matter how much she loved him.

"B, shut up and let me kiss you…" He moved her arms to her sides and kissed her once more. Blair melted, she couldn't help it. Did this mean Chuck loved her too? They couldn't stop kissing, constantly trapping each other's lips. "I want to make love to you…I've been waiting to have you again for so long" Chuck whispered.

"I'm yours, always have been, always will be." She knew it rang a painful similarity to what she had once told Nate but she didn't care. She wasn't thinking at all, it just escaped her lips. Blair was shocked used the words 'make love'. Chuck's hands trailed up her thighs, lifting her dress slightly as she struggled to take off his belt but both suddenly and immediately stopped.

"What was that noise?" Chuck said, turning around. Suddenly Blair and Chuck both gasp as the saw a girl snap a picture and ran away. "Oh fucking hell!" He yelled, slamming a first into the wall.

"It's okay, Chuck. Now everyone will know we've made up." Blair said.

"No, it's not okay. Don't you get it? I don't care how much I care about you, I care about my best friend more. I care about my reputation!" Chuck yelled.

"But you just said…" She started, shocked and hurt.

"Forget what I said. I was caught up in a moment with a pretty girl." Chuck muttered, feeling as if he suddenly came to his senses, "You must have had a moment of weakness and forgot I'm Chuck Bass!"

Blair said nothing else her "old Blair" courage was officially drained she simply fixed her clothes and left. She could not believe that in a matter of twenty minutes her and Chuck has fought, kissed, almost had sex, and that he had left her once more. Without saying a word to Serena she left the club and went home to sulk in her misery alone because she now knew she'd always be alone.

**Spotted: B and C looking more than friendly in this shot from Babezz242. Why the surprised face, B? We all already knew you weren't a virgin, that shipped sailed a long time ago don't you remember? But more than friends so soon after a year? Seems to good to be true but what is this shot of you leaving Ice so soon and so sad? Hope you didn't get your hopes u, B. Even though C may need some bipolar meds didn't anyone ever tell you if something seems too good to be true it's because it is? **

**Xoxo Gossip Girl**


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three:

Author's Note: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORRTT! Like I said I have an idea of where this is coming but I'd love to hear what you guys want to happen so leave you're wishes in a review or message me. I hope you enjoy this next chapter; our chuck is getting quite complex.

**Chapter Three:**

Blair entered her brownstone and went straight upstairs to her room. She thought about purging the numerous calories of alcohol she had drank but quite frankly didn't have the strength. After undressing and laying on her bed in her robe for a good thirty minutes sulking, wallowing in much deserved self-pity she went over to her purse and grabbed her phone. Though her courage ran from her after that picture was taken, she had still had had enough and gossip girl was right, she was ready to fight her way back to her old life if she had too. Blair thought for a moment, trying to devise a way to get even with Chuck but the other half of her brain just wanted to be with Chuck. Was it possible to devise a plot in which she'd receive revenge and love? Probably not but she'd try anyway. Right now she was more angry than loving, another blot of boldness burst through her. She flipped open her phone and sent Chuck a text that read _'That was cold, Chuck even for you. If you want me away from you so much how can you explain your hands up my dress?"_ Blair felt a little better after sending the text, while waiting for Chuck's response her phone rang.

"Blair, where are you?" It was Dan's voice on the other end, calling from Serena's phone, "Serena has been looking all over for you!"

"Sorry guys I'm fine. I just felt a little bit lightheaded and decided to leave." Blair lied.

"Are you sick? We'll come by." Dan said, exemplifying one of the very reasons he grew on Blair.

"No, really I'm fine. Enjoy your night!" She answered.

"Okay. I'm going to find Serena and tell you're fine." Dan said before adding, "Oh and B?"

"Yes"

"Really call us if you need anything." He said, he knew she was much worse off than she pretended.

Blair thanked him and smiled to herself, Chuck had responded, _'One too many scotches, of course. It wouldn't be the first time. I told you Blair, I'm done with you.'_ She was no longer smiling but not as upset as most would assume she was and she responded accordingly, _'Are you sure? Leave me now and I'm gone forever._' He responded almost immediately, _'Good riddance.' _This sent her into a fury, _'Fine Chuck, don't play nice. Soon you're going to know what it's like to have absolutely no one left on your side.' 'You know I don't play nice, B.'_ was his response. _'That's okay. Two can play at that game.' _Blair responded.

Back in his suite Chuck throw his phone against the wall. He wasn't sure what he was so scared of: losing Nate's friendship? Giving up his reputation? Or maybe he just wanted Blair to suffer more after abandoned him for Nate after he messed up? Didn't she know that the mishap at the debutante ball was the best way he could show his affection for her? Something about Blair Waldorf warped his mind; he just couldn't wrap his mind around her. She was bitchy but sweet; bold yet shy, and too many other contradictions to name. Chuck knew he wanted her but he didn't think he could emotionally handle what may happen this time if they got together again. After all drowning you his feelings in scotch and cigarettes was far easier. He sat and wondered what she'd do next, how she'd try to ruin him but he decided any efforts made would be simply futile solely because he was Chuck Bass.

Two nights later Blair arrived at the Palace Hotel with Carter Basin, the two sat down for a romantic dinner date. She looked beautiful as always but was there solely to unnerve Chuck a little, she figured she'd start small and see how long it'd take him to crack. Though it was unsettling having to 'crack' the exterior of Chuck for him to admit he loved her, it was part of his personality and who his is and nonetheless his solid exterior therefore was part of why Blair loved him. Chuck reached for his phone as it buzzed with a Gossip Girl update, only to throw his phone against the wall for the second time in three days. The Gossip Girl update read…

**Spotted: Blair and Carter Basin enjoying a romantic dinner at the Palace Hotel. I wonder if Chuck is watching from a far, we all know he and Carter are not exactly two peas in a pod. Looks like Blair is wearing a piece of jewelry very familiar to him, the diamond necklace he gave her for her birthday. Chuck must be green with envy, enjoy the view C. Green is your color anyway and it looks like we'll be seeing it on you a lot more.**

**Xoxo Gossip Girl**

He understood what most people didn't, Blair would never wear that necklace when they had their little affair always stating it was for something very special. Now she was wearing the diamond necklace she wanted Nate to buy her but Chuck bought her instead on a date with the one person Chuck truly couldn't stand, there was irony all over the situation. Chuck got dressed and waltzed downstairs like he owned the place, oh wait he did. Blair noticed him come in and take a seat at the quiet restaurant's bar, two minutes later a waiter walked to the table with a tray carrying two glasses and a bottle of champagne.

"Champagne for the happy couple." The waiter smiles, "Compliments of Mr. Bass." As he set the try down the waiter slipped Blair a small note.

Carter smiled as he left, "Well I guess that's generous considering we're just two old friends catching up."

"Very generous." Blair smiled, she was happy Gossip Girl reported it as a date though even though it wasn't. Her eyes slowly began to skim the note from Chuck.

_-B_

_You having dinner with this dirt bag is supposed to make me jealous? That's rich. I'm pleased to see you still have the necklace I gave you, guess it holds some sentimental value of the good olds days? If I were YOU I'd want to remember them too, though personally I prefer conquer and move on._

_-C_

Of course Chuck twisted everything around to his benefit and Blair was not too surprised she simply rolled her eyes. Carter excused himself for a moment and Blair simply nodded, just as he left Chuck walked over to the table and sat down.

"I hear the brazed quail is excellent here," He said sarcastically, "Oh wait that's right you don't eat."

"Stop with those comments. You truly have no right to ever bring that up anymore." Blair said smugly. "Oh and take this." She took off her necklace, "You're right too many memories of the old days, ya know? All those awful nights."

Chuck's eyes burned with fire, "I don't recall you ever complaining."

"What can I say? One too many cosmos." Blair snapped, using Chuck's vapid line.

That's it now he was angry, "Look princess I swear if you don't leav-"

"Excuse me." Carter interrupted returning to the table, "Do you have a problem?"

"Yes, I was just telling Blair here that sluts and junkies aren't welcome in this establishment so you better leave." He scowled.

"You're kidding me right?" Carter raised his voice. "And that's no way to talk about a lady."

"Forgive me, I don't see any ladies present." Chuck snapped, staring at Blair.

Carter began to respond but was quickly silenced by a punch. Blair was shocked; she had never planned on getting Chuck this worked up. She was only hoping to evoke a little jealously, maybe some regretful feelings. Their eyes met for a split second then Chuck walked away. As Blair helped Carter up and they gathered their things, just hoping to not cause anymore of a scene she couldn't help but wonder if Chuck could be so clearly so upset over a simple dinner then when the hell did he develop the will-power to resist her? Was this really all about Nate's friendship? Blair now knew the next person she'd be stopping by to see; as she exited she left the diamond necklace on the table. Chuck who had now been watching from a hidden corner retrieved it shortly after she left; he put it in a small drawer in his suite where he'd never have to see it again.

**Spotted: CHUCK BASS PUNCHING CARTER BASIN, who attempted to defend our fair maiden's honor and who says chivalry is dead?! We can't help but to be a bit confused wasn't it Chuck who cast aside our former Queen B AGAIN just days ago? Looks like you better make up your mind, C. As you should have already learned UES Princesses don't stay single for long, better hurry up us ladies tend to chose knights in shining armor over the village fool.**

**Xoxo Gossip Girl**


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